So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
