everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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