If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize