I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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