Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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