the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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