found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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