I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize