Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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