But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
