Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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