There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
