i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize