i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
