so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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