if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
