Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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