Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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