I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your penis caused this!
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