he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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