Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
