He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize