Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
