Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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