I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
