Your face is a jimmy john
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
