So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
