Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't put those talents on a resume
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
