My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize