They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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