i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Someone signed my nipple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
