so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize