super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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