I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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