Pappa wants mamma naked
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
