I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
