Whod you bang
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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