Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
