If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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