We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
