Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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