Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
