mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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