IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
