awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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