Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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