"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
