All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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