btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
