he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
