your parents love me but you hate me
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
