I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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