I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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