She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
