I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
