How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
