I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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