apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
