I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
