My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize