So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
