I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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