At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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